he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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