Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize