I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
