He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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