I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
