Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
