Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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