It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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