Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
