I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
