Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
