so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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