JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
