Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
