and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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