He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
