I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
