I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
