how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
