Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize