Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
