I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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