but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
