I think I died a long time ago.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
