so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
