There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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