sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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