I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Are we still banned from the library?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
