Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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