Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
