i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
