I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
