So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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