Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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