He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
