I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
