yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
