you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
