First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
