Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
