Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
