remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
