I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
