You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
