So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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