Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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