I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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