the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
as a side note pls kill me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize