Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
