we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
