Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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