The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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