I heard we made out
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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