well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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