You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
