Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
