Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
