would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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