can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
