i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
