I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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