Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
