he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
