for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
